Last week I was at the beach enjoying the waves, when a really big one snuck up on me from behind and stole the bottom half of my bikini! See, the elastic has gotten a bit worn out since last year, so it doesn’t stay up well anymore. Don’t you hate it when that happens? Or is it just me? Anyway, I definitely need a new suit so I don’t go around flashing the innocent seagulls. I love how slimming this Miraclesuit is, and it’s 40% off at TravelSmith. Plus, it looks like it’ll stay put.
You say it’s just too hot to go outside? So hot that even the pool doesn’t look inviting? Well, luckily, it’s summertime so you don’t actually have to get up. You can spend the entire day wallowing in your air-conditioned bedroom, sleeping in and enjoying the cool silkiness of these 600-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, now up to 75% off at HauteLook. Deal expires: 7/7.
Whether you’re lounging by the pool or at the beach, at some point you’re going to get hungry. And, of course, you don’t want to have to slave over a hot stove or get out in this heat to pick something up. So unless you have your own personal chef and cabana boys to cater to you, you’d better have your iPhone nearby so you can order something delicious and cool delivered right to your chaise lounge. iPhones and water don’t mix well, so be sure to keep it safe in one of these waterproof smartphone cases, available at HauteLook for 75% off retail price. Because you know you could never survive without it. Deal ends: 7/7.
Yesterday, my mom sat down in one of the wrought iron chairs we have on our patio, and slowly sank to the ground. To be fair, my poor mom is not heavy enough to actually bend iron. It was an antique chair salvaged from a flea market, so it had probably reached the end of its usefulness and just gave up. I’ve been looking for an excuse to replace the patio furniture, so I’m going to take this opportunity to get something new and cool, like this wicker outdoor sofa, for up to 70% off at Macy’s. Deal expires: 7/31.
Summertime is my toes’ favorite season, because they get to feel the sun and air and show off their pretty pedicure. I’ve had them painted in stars and stripes for the upcoming holiday, and they can’t wait to show them off in something blingy and bejeweled like these Sam Edelman sandals, which are 50% off during the Summer Sale at DNA Footwear.
It’s okay if you missed my birthday; I don’t hold a grudge. At least, I won’t if you buy me something like this cute striped polo that I can wear to celebrate Uncle Sam’s birthday on Saturday. You can get this and other red, white and blue sale items marked an extra 40% off at Three Dots when you use code JULY4TH40 at checkout.
I’m addicted to watching the Real Housewives shows, because no matter how good those ladies have it in life (for one thing, not a one of them is actually a housewife) they still find things to fight over. It’s like high school cast with grownups. My favorite parts are when they pull each other’s wigs and weaves. I bet they’re great customers of Black Hairspray, where they can stock up on synthetic lace wigs for 40% off during the Summer Sale.
Remember when Brooke Shields said that nothing came between her and her Calvins? I’ve got a great new tagline for the company: What do you hide in your Calvin? I’m referring to your Calvin Klein handbag, of course. On any given day, in mine you might find fireworks, snacks, straws, Minecraft figures (four boys, remember?) and tons of coupons, of course. No need for a coupon when buying a new Calvin bag though. Exclusive styles like this colorblocked shoulder bag are on sale for 40% off right now, with no code necessary.
Don’t you want your eye to sparkle like the fireworks lighting up the sky on the Fourth? Seriously, since disco fever’s been over for about 40 years now, hot summer nights may be the only time it’s still acceptable to wear sparkly blue eyeshadow, so get in on the fun while you can, and while you can get this extra lasting shadow ink for 50% off at Avon.
Trust me, the only place you want to see a shark at the beach is on this adorable beach wrap from Pottery Barn Kids. Pick up this and a few other cute styles while they’re on sale for 40% off and ship for free, because your kids are going to need something to snuggle up in when they get out of that freezing cold surf. Deal expires: 7/7.
Dang, I should have known that when my husband offered to take me shopping on my birthday, it was too good to be true, and here we are at the Home Depot. He completely disappeared for over an hour, while I wandered up and down every aisle searching for him. How do men do that? Now, he’s popped up with a receipt for this new LG Electronics stainless steel French door-in-door refrigerator, which he got for 30% off. I have wanted a new fridge for so long, so this was actually a great surprise! Deal expires: 7/15.
I’m over 40 now (well, not just now, but that’s all you need to know) so it’s probably time I graduated to a one-piece swimsuit. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up the sexy - no way! This Carmen Marc Valvo suit gives new meaning to the term ‘cougar’ and it’s more than 70% off during the Summer Sale at South Moon Under. Rowwrrr!
Every summer I set out on a quest to find THE perfect pair of shoes for the season, and my summer is not complete until I find them. Well, pop the champagne, because I have found this year’s winner. This shoe is the perfect storm of everything I’ve been searching for: Pink. Gingham. Jute. Wedges. I don’t need to say more, but it gets even better, because right now they’re up to 60% off at Talbots. Could life get any better? I think not. Happy Birthday to me! Sale runs for a limited time.
Since I’m officially pushing ‘over-the-hill’ status, it’s getting really difficult to stay in shape. I’ve been trying to fit back into my pre-baby wardrobe for the past 20 years (and four babies), but it hasn’t happened yet. Could have something to do with my addiction to shortbread biscuits and Twizzlers. Also the fact that I loathe working out. However, another year brings new resolve, at least for the first week or so, so I’m going to invest in these Lee Cooper three-quarter length pants from Sports Direct while they’re up to 80% off, and hit the gym again. After dessert.
To celebrate my birthday, the family is planning a road trip. We’re going to drive up the Pacific Coast Highway and check out some places and sights we haven’t seen before. I’m looking forward to it, but I know a lot of walking will be involved, so I’m bringing along my new Quietstep Walking Shoes, which I got for 50% off at Easy Spirit. Yes, I realize I’ve featured two deals on shoes today, but it’s my birthday, so I can do what I want.
You know what they say - you can keep your roses; you can keep your chocolates (or something like that) - because diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Especially when they’re paired with the chalcedony cabochon and Sonora Sunrise stones in this beautiful pendant, which you can get for 70% off the retail price at The RealReal. Actually, on second thought, I’ll take the chocolates, too. Deal expires: 6/30.
I never understood everyone’s obsession with their smartphones. I’m old school (okay, just old) and I don’t text. Nor do I need a phone for checking emails (I have a computer for that), watching movies (I have a TV for that) or listening to music (I have a cassette player for that. Yes, really old). However, I became addicted to portable electronics when someone gave me a tablet for my birthday. It’s so convenient to carry it everywhere with me and switch it on quickly whenever I want to check something. My tablet and I have become inseparable; we even sleep together. Which is why I’m getting everyone I know one of these Apple iPad 2s while they’re 66% off at Yugster. Deal valid through 6/29 (today), while supplies last.
Just like Brick Heck, I am a huge fan of fonts. The right font can make or break your document. I mean, nobody will take you seriously if you send a ransom note in curlz MT. I want $10,000 in unmarked bills or else I let the shoes have it. See? Laughable. But it you say the same thing in Gill Sans Ultra Bold, your words will carry some weight. Right now, you can save up to 85% off select font downloads at My Font, including the Benjamin Franklin, perfect for any historical documents you may need to forge (I mean, reproduce) for the upcoming July 4th holiday. Deal expires: 7/2.
The SCOTUS decision last week was a historic day for acceptance and love in our country. It also means your wedding invitations this season are about to double. Better make sure you have plenty of dress clothes to suit (pun intended) the occasion. Luckily, this seersucker sport coat is up to 50% off during the Semi-Annual Sale at Brooks Brothers. Sale ends: 7/3.
We’re approaching the end of June, and if you’ve done your job right, gardeners, you should be enjoying the bounty of all your hard effort by now. What are you going to do with all that delicious home-grown produce? You can’t keep it forever, but you can store it and freeze it in these bio freezer bags, now up to 85% off at Gardener’s Supply Company, so you’ll be able to indulge in nature’s goodness throughout the months to come. Frozen strawberries…mmm!
First, there is the footwear issue. Shoes are sacred to me, and I would walk around all day in shoes that feel like knives stabbing up into my feet (and I have), as long as they’re pretty. So when my mom breaks out her neon green rubber knockoff Crocs, it’s all I can do not to light them on fire, right on her feet. She’s 70 years old, so I don’t expect her to rock stilettos, but honestly, something that ugly should be illegal. Why not these little Harrah flats from Bakers Shoes instead, Mom? They’re comfy, adorable, and 70% off. And I don’t want to fling them off a bridge.
Slowly, but surely, the kids and I are trying to bring my mom into the digital age. She has a tablet now, which she can use if someone (not me) has the patience to talk her through everything she wants to do, step by step. She also has a cell phone, but it’s one of those little cheapo deals with the prepaid minutes and she only turns it on when she wants to make a call. I cannot make her understand that there is no point to having a cell phone if nobody can reach you on it. While she’s here, I want to splurge and get her a real phone, something like this certified, pre-owned Nokia Lumia 530, which is more than 60% off at T-Mobile.
I spend weeks cleaning the house before my mom comes to visit. My husband doesn’t understand all the effort, and why she can’t just see how we normally live, but I don’t want her to feel like a failure as a parent. I especially love to show off my backyard, since the fabulous weather and outdoor living we enjoy here is a real treat for her. This year, I invested in these fabulous chaise lounges for sunbathing, and I saved 20% off the price with code XXW28539 at Frontgate. Deal expires: 7/6.
I love when my mom cooks for me, especially desserts, and I take full advantage of this while she’s here. It drives me crazy though, that the entire time she’s cooking, she’s asking me things like, “Do you have mixing bowls? Do you have spoons? Do you have flour?” No, Mom, we own no spoons. Why doesn’t she just open a few drawers or look in the pantry until she finds what she needs? I know, a good host would just set everything out for her ahead of time. So this year, I’m stocking up on kitchen essentials like these margarita glasses while they’re up to 60% off at Lillian Vernon when I use code 06582042. Yes, margaritas are essential; trust me.
Before Mummy leaves, she always treats me to a little thank-you gift, which I privately view as a congratulations for having survived the visit without becoming an orphan. I think this Mason Margiela striped shirtdress will do nicely, and right now it’s 40% off at La Garconne, so why not? Thanks, Mom! Love you; come back soon.