Tomorrow, I intend to get the budget for the company Christmas party approved. It’s more than the boss will want to spend, but I think he’ll let me get away with it, because I’m going to be showing off my curves in this clingy ribbed sweaterdress, which I got for 15% off by using code VETERAN at Kohl’s. You can thank me when you don’t have to BYOB to the party. Deal expires: 11/17.
I do need some festive clothing, because I have a holiday party to host and attend. You won’t catch me in one of those jingle-bell covered monstrosities, though. My idea of ideal party wear is to go for elegance. I’ll be the best-dressed person at the company do in a chic slip dress and this faux fur scarf, which fits perfectly with our winter wonderland theme, and was a steal at 40% off when I used code FRIENDS at Banana Republic. Deal ends: 11/23.
I am totally into this winter wonderland party theme. I think I can use this party planning to my advantage, and order all the décor from Pottery Barn, like a bunch of these faux lit berry trees, and then take them home after the party to decorate my own house. I can really splurge and buy everything I (I mean we) will need because the more I spend, the more I save; up to 25% off when I spend over $1000 and use code SAVEMORE. And even better, everything ships for free, so I’m sure I’ll get approval for my purchase from the company CFO. He’s smart enough to do the math and recognize a fantastic savings opportunity when he sees it. Deal expires: 11/16.
Well, I just had my party plan shot down by the CFO. Apparently, I am supposed to stick to a budget. He also wasn’t amused by my intent to take the décor home with me afterward. Okay, well I can be as thrifty as the next person; I just hope everyone enjoys their microwaved pot pies and Pringles, three per guest, please. I guess I’m not going to get that fancy event coordinator in to drape the whole room in gauzy fabric either. Well, I can pull off the same effect myself; it’s just going to be a lot more hands-on than I had planned. Good thing I just bought these new jeans while they were on sale for $59.90 at The Limited, because I am going to be doing a whole lot of climbing up and down ladders (and cursing, don’t forget the cursing). Happy Holidays to me.
Well, now that my party budget’s been cut to the bone, I guess I’m going to have to get all DIY with this thing. The $200 each my event planner quoted for table centerpieces is just not going to cut it. No sweat, I’ve got this. I can make my own darling gingerbread villages to decorate the tables. When I fill up my cart with any five items at Sur La Table and use code FULLCART16, I can take 20% off the entire price, so I’m going to get everything I need - measuring cups, spatulas, and these adorable molds for making gingerbread cake houses. Don’t worry, how hard can it be? Wait - how dare you roll your eyes and mention all the smoke and the nervous breakdown I had trying to bake those eyeball cookies for Halloween? Darn, I forgot you were aware of my track record. But it’ll be fine, I’m sure.
Men are so easily distracted and swayed if you just show a little cleavage and flirt with them. Call it unprofessional if you like; I call it smart, because it works. Why shouldn’t I use every advantage I’ve got? Tomorrow, I intend to get the budget for the company Christmas party approved. It’s more than the boss will want to spend, but I think he’ll let me get away with it, because I’m going to be showing off my curves in this clingy ribbed sweaterdress, which I got for 15% off by using code VETERAN at Kohl’s. You can thank me when you don’t have to BYOB to the party. Deal expires: 11/17.
I hate to be cold more than literally anything on earth. In fact, that’s why I’ve never been too concerned about where I’m going to end up in the afterlife. If I’m headed down under, well, at least I know I’ll be toasty and warm for eternity. My feet especially don’t like to be cold. I buy fuzzy socks by the truckload, and in the wintertime, I make sure to cover my chilly tile floors with something that I’ll be able to stand walking on. This year, I’ve splurged on this shag cookies and cream-colored area rug for my bedside. It was a bit pricey, but it feels as good as it sounds, and I was able to take 35% off the price at Home Depot with code 35OFFDECOR. Deal ends: 11/30.
What do you get for the person who has everything? Well, you can’t go wrong with a unique, artisan-made, quality accessory. There are plenty of these to choose from at Sundance Catalog, from jewelry to footwear to amazing handbags. I currently have my eye on this shearling bag, which I’m hoping upon hope that someone will get me for Christmas, hint, hint. And if you buy it now, you can even take 15% off the price and get free shipping when you use code EMA15F at checkout. How’s that for subtle.
My dad was visiting recently, and he just shook his head when he saw the wall of shoes in my closet. He totally doesn’t get why anyone needs more than one pair at a time, or why I would choose to spend over $100 on something I’m just going to put on my feet. He’ll never get it, just like I will never get how he can actually enjoy spending hours at a time sitting on the edge of a lake waiting for some dumb fish to bite a hook. I also don’t get why anyone would want to spend almost $400 for a fishing reel. Do you know how many pairs of shoes I could get for that? But I love my Daddy, and for him, I will do it, especially since I can take $10 off my purchase at The Sportsman’s Guide with code COUPON1116. My dad is awesome and he deserves it. Who do you think built all those shelves for my wall of shoes? Deal expires: 11/30.
I guess it’s about that time again to start thinking about decking the halls. Now, I’m sticking to my resolution not to put anything up until after Thanksgiving, but I do need to get on the ball with the planning and ordering. I’m going to have to get a new tree this year, since my old white one has turned dingy yellow from being stored out in the garage, and I discovered last year that spray paint really isn’t a good fix for that. Don’t ask. I think I’m going to splurge on this gorgeous pre-lit blue spruce, along with matching wreaths and garland, since the more I spend at Pottery Barn, the more I can save; up to 25% off when I spend $1,000 or more and use code SAVEMORE at checkout. I hope there’s something left for presents to put under the tree.
This is really big night for me and I’m waiting on pins and needles. No, not about that ridiculous sham of an election going on. I’m talking about the eminent delivery of my new appliquéd leather jacket, which I got for 60% off at Tory Burch. The fact that I’ll be able to wear this tomorrow will make up just a little bit for the fact that we are going to have either a monster or a clown as President tomorrow. Deal expires: 11/21.
These boots make me think of that old Nancy Sinatra song and I’ve been singing it in my head all day. I have no idea if they were made for walking because I have not yet tried them on. But they’re pretty, so I don’t really care. The important thing is that they will go perfectly with my new leather jacket, and I am basically a sedentary person, so comfort doesn’t really matter anyway. All I care about is that they make me happy, and that I saved 20% off the price at Amazon, which pushed me straight into ecstasy. And as long as you don’t come between me and a good sale, there won’t be any need for these boots to walk all over you. Deal expires: 11/14.
I know it’s been a really long time since I’ve let you in on a deal for men’s clothing and accessories. It’s not just that I’m basically a shallow and selfish person - although, let’s be honest, that’s part of it - it’s mostly that there are just so many pretty shoes and purses and jewelry in the world to feature that I get a bit dazzled and distracted. But here’s a long overdue deal that’s just for the guys. There’s nothing sexier than a man in well-cut suit, so take advantage while you can save 25% off this Tommy Hilfiger number by using code SUITING. Trust me guys, you will reap the rewards of going to the trouble of getting all decked out. It’s truly irresistible to us. Deal expires: 11/14.
Someone called me a mutant today. I was about to take offense at that, but then he clarified that he actually meant it as a compliment, suggesting I had mutated into some sort of higher level of being with amazing super powers. Um, okay. Yeah, I was sucker enough to fall for that explanation; it sounded good. Anyway, I’m well aware that I am a freak of nature, as my personality is completely schizophrenic and unpredictable. One day I might feel like being a disco queen striding around in sky-high heels, and the next I might be channeling my punk rock soul into Converse high tops. Some days I might even wake up feeling like some sort of earth mother. Hey, it could happen. Just to be ready in case it does, I have ordered myself a pair of these Natural Soul clogs, which I got for 15% off by using code SHOEIN at Famous Footwear. Deal ends: 11/14.
I recently got a new smartphone. Yes, I have finally been dragged into the 21st Century and forced to give up my dinosaur of a flip phone. We had a good run, but I have to say I don’t miss it, now that I see all the amazing things I can do with my new phone. Carrying all of my TV and music in the palm of my hand is pretty awesome, and don’t even get me started on the new access I have to so many amazing online coupon deals. I have been missing out, man. The one thing I will never make the switch to electronically, however, is reading. I do use the ereader app when I’m on the go, but for my everyday reading pleasure, nothing will ever replace the feel of a good book in my hand. With new releases from Wally Lamb and Anne Rice, this promises to be a very good month bookwise, and I’m going to nab them all while I can take 15% off my order at Barnes and Noble with code BNNOV125. Deal expires: 11/10.
I kind of torpedoed my life again last week. I tend to do that from time to time, not exactly sure why. It’s just really, really hard for me to think through the consequences of my actions before I do them. One example of my overly impulsive nature: the minute I saw this suede trench coat at Talbots, I instantly clicked “add to cart” and “checkout.” Now, I don’t have too many regrets about what this purchase will do to my credit card balance, since I was able to take 30% off with code FRIENDS30; but I maybe should have considered when and where I would actually wear such a coat, since those Santa Ana winds are bringing 80 degree temps in November. Oh well, it’s pretty, so I’ll wear it anyway; never mind the sweat. Deal expires: 11/9.
I just got a new job, and I’m super-excited about it. Especially since I am able to order business cards for the first time, so I finally feel like a real, grown-up career woman. I’ve been trying to find just the right ones, and I think I’ve finally settled on this luxe design from MOO. I love the inspirational quotes, and the fact that they’re 25% off. See, I’m making smart business decisions already. Deal ends: 11/9.
For five years now, I have put up with a cat who hates me. And it’s not just me; she hates everyone in the house, and it just gets worse all the time. She used to just avoid us; now she’s actively trying to destroy the quality of our lives. She’s clawed up all the doorframes and furniture and lately taken to peeing on the sofa. Yeah, there’s really no fixing that. Now that I’m getting a full-time paycheck again, I’m planning to replace it. I just ordered this pretty new Webster sofa, and got an extra 20% off the clearance price at Pottery Barn by using code STOCKUP at checkout. The old sofa has been dragged outside to the trash. And the cat is soon to follow if she even thinks about going near the new one.
Only a couple of weeks left until my favorite holiday! Okay, yeah, I did say before that my favorite holiday was the Fourth of July, because I really dig fireworks. And just a week ago I said my fave was Halloween, since I love dressing up and because, you know, candy. So I guess I’m kind of fickle when it comes to playing favorites with my holidays, but right now I am totally convinced it’s Thanksgiving. How could anything be better than a day that’s all about food? Can’t wait to serve up the pumpkin pie in this apropos covered dish, which I got for 20% off by using code FRIENDS2016 at Sur La Table. Deal expires: 11/20.
You know what’s almost as important as the food on Thanksgiving? Making sure you’re appropriately dressed in clothing that’s comfortable and expandable, so you can enjoy all that food. And then seconds. And then dessert. And then leftovers. And then more leftovers. And so on and so on for the rest of that glorious four-day weekend. These fleece drawstring pants make the perfect outfit for cooking, gorging, lounging and shopping, the only activities I will possibly consider doing that week. And even better, they’ll ship for free from Forever 21 when I use code OHHHSHIP. Deal ends: 11/8.
Do you ever have those days when you really just don’t give a you-know-what? Yeah, that’s me, today. I just cannot muster the energy to care about anything at all. I feel like a deflated balloon. Nope, nothing’s gonna snap me out of this funk. I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep until sometime next week. Or next month even. In fact, I was just doing that, but I flipped open the laptop to check emails first - not that I care. Then I spotted this sequin fringe tank top at FullBeauty.com and I have to admit, it sparked a glimmer of interest. And when I realized I could get it for 30% off by using code FBNOV16, I may have even cracked a very slight smile. Okay, I did. And now it’s in my cart and I’m checking out and going back to bed. Hopefully, it’ll be a brighter day when it arrives. Deal expires: 11/14.
Like I said, I’m not planning on getting back up out of this bed for a very long time. In fact, I’m going to call in to work tomorrow because I cannot stand the thought of being there. And the rest of the weekend will be spent hibernating here with maybe some trashy magazines and Twizzlers, if I even deign to lift my head. But you know...just in case I might - and that’s very iffy - just might decide to possibly go out with my girlfriends and wear that sparkly new top, I’m going to need something to wear with it. So maybe I’ll also just snatch up this pair of zip-back leggings while I can get them for 15% off with code 9983 at Express. Just in case. Deal ends: 11/21.
I think I’ve been dumped by the love of my life. The last few times I went to Target, the old spark just wasn’t there. I couldn’t find anything good on the clearance racks, they were out of my essential items - Slim Jims and Claritin - and I couldn’t even get a decent parking spot. Plus, I walked right into that stupid giant ball out front and bruised my knee and my ego. Clearly, the thrill is gone. Time to find a new favorite place to shop for bargains. Today, JC Penney caught my eye, in particular because I noticed this yummy snake-print detailed satchel could be mine for 25% off by using code WESHOP96. Well, hello there! Deal expires: 11/6.
There’s a slight chance I may drag myself out of this slump and out of bed and go back to work next week. A very slight chance, but growing in direct proportion to the number of new items I’m ordering and the balance on my credit card. If I do decide to show up, I’m going to need something new to wear, because showing off my new outfit is the only thing that’s going to make the ordeal slightly bearable. Luckily, if I buy this long-sleeved tee at Maurices, I can get a second for 50% off, so my workweek wardrobe will be serviceable, if not fancy. And eh, who cares anyway?
I’ve been doing some online research, and I think I may suffer from a delusional disorder. According to WebMD, persons with this disorder experience delusions which may involve being followed, conspired against or loved from a distance, and involve the misinterpretation of situations which are not actually based in reality. For example, I am one hundred percent certain that these gorgeous leather ankle boots are loving me from afar, and I am totally loving them back. I just know that they long to belong to me, and I am determined to make that happen, whatever the cost. Happily, that cost will be 25% off and include free shipping, when I use code NEWFALL25 at OnlineShoes.com. If that’s a delusion, then I gladly continue living in la-la land. Deal expires: 11/15.