Last night was the VMA awards, and for some strange reason, I was not invited. Did you people fail to notice the Youtube video I posted of myself belting out Gold Dust Woman by Fleetwood Mac? I thought the 70s were supposed to be back on trend, but I got no recognition. Fools. I had 2M likes. Oh - maybe that was just 2 likes. Turns out that M was actually just a smudge on the screen. Whatever. Anyway, you all missed out, because I was going to walk the red carpet in this racerback T-Bags Los Angeles dress with coin necklace. Your loss, not mine, because I wasn’t even nominated, and I got this gorgeous dress for 78% off and with free shipping at South Moon Under. Nyah! (That’s me sticking my studded tongue out at you).
Despite being passed over for the award I so clearly deserved, I did crash a bunch of after parties and danced the night away. By the end of the night, I had to get those stilettos off my aching feet, but I was in no condition to bend over (or to stand upright, for that matter). Luckily, I had this handy no-bend shoe remover, which I had the foresight to snap up for 60% off at Dr. Leonard’s Healthcare. This seriously may be the most genius invention ever. I’m getting everybody one for Christmas.
After my hard night of partying, there was no way I was getting out of bed this morning. The house could have been on fire and I still wouldn’t have budged from underneath this silky Simone comforter, which I scored for 50% off and with free shipping at Brylane Home by using code BHLABOR. It was perfect for hiding from the blasted sunlight that was stalking my poor aching head.
Besides my awesome self-made video, you know what else I won’t be winning any awards for anytime soon? Water sports. I don’t mind pools, but they’re strictly for lounging around on pool floats reading fashion magazines and sipping margaritas. As for lakes, just no. They’re brown and have stuff growing and swimming in them, and I wouldn’t set foot on their squishy, icky bottoms without this good pair of water shoes, which luckily is 70% off at Cabela’s.
It occurs to me that the reason my video didn’t win any awards is that maybe I didn’t stand out enough and make an impact on camera. I won’t make that mistake twice. For my next performance, I’ll be wearing every color of the rainbow, maybe all at once, since I’ve got my hands on this 88 shimmer color eyeshadow palette, while this and more brand new shades are up to 70% off at BH Cosmetics.
It occurred to me today that my bedroom might be in need of an update. This occurred to me when my best friend came over, burst out laughing and asked me when was the last time they shot an 80s sitcom in my room. Huh. Well, now that she mentions it, it is possible I spotted my furniture in that Full House tell-all show the other night. Luckily, I can get this four-piece queen bedroom set at Cymax Stores. It’s sleek, black and modern, not to mention 70% off, so that’s a no-brainer.
I joked the other day about having a t-shirt that said “In Case of Emergency, Save the Shoes,” but truer words have never been spoken. In my house, the kids have been instructed that if we have to evacuate due to wildfires, earthquakes or any other natural disaster, they’re to run straight to my closet, grab as many pairs as they can carry and run with them to the car. I couldn’t care less about documents, electronics or photo albums, but if my shoes are ever burnt to a crisp, I’ll be in mourning forever. I mean, just look at these amazing fringed boots. They go with every look I’m craving for fall, and I got them for 20% off at Houser Shoes with code BDF0S0315. I’d never recover from a loss like that.
And as long as we’re talking about shoes, I see no reason to stop with just one pair. Fringe is so in, and sometimes you need something a little dressier than a pair of boots. I’m dying to grab these gorgeous fringed and beaded cobalt blue heels to go with my favorite boho maxi dresses for fall. I see no reason to wait, since this week they’re 25% off at Target, and I can take an extra 10% off with code LABORDAY. Better strap the hamster cage to the roof, kids; we’re going to need more space in the trunk.
I know it’s not quite September yet, but if you ask me, Halloween is already in the air. It’s my favorite holiday, and in my opinion, it’s never too early to start planning my costume. This year, I’m thinking something creepy, yet glamorous, so these pewter black widow earrings, a steal at 60% off at The Pyramid Collection, will add the perfect touch to my witchy wardrobe. Maybe I’ll even wear them to work, just to freak people out a bit!
Thinking about Halloween has got me thinking about the best part of it - the treats! I don’t think I can possibly wait till October to satisfy my candy cravings. What’s that? Oh yes, I did resolve yet again last week to stick to a diet and eat healthier, but that’s okay, because Fannie May has these dried pineapple chunks on sale for 50% off. They’re fruit and they’re on sale, for I don’t feel guilty at all for indulging. Not one bit.
If you’re like me, you’re in danger of one day ending up on an episode of Hoarders, or found trapped under an avalanche of toppled books and magazines. Printed matter is taking up most of the floor space in my room. This cool tip-turned bookshelf is a fantastic way to turn your clutter into a work of art, and you can take an extra 30% off the sale price when you use code EXTRA30 at Anthropologie. Now that you’ve cleaned up (both literally and figuratively) you can buy more books. Yay!
I just started a new job, and believe it or not, unrolling, un-stapling and logging architectural plans is not the thrill-a-minute party time it sounds like. It’s not that bad, but my favorite part of the job is getting to dress up every day for the office. It’s been a long time since I had to buy work clothes, and my old things seem to have shrunk or something. Luckily, everything at Old Navy on sale, so I’m getting this great fit and flare dress, which is both office-appropriate and 50% off. Win-win.
Actually, now that I think about it, dressing up every day is only my second favorite part of my new job. The very best part is the paycheck I’ll be bringing home and all the extra shopping I’ll be able to do. Even though my closet could be a small store itself, I still need new things. This long-sleeved flower-print chiffon blouse, for example. Look how pretty it is; and since it’s 40% off at LightInTheBox, how could I not.
To this day, I have nightmares about sixth grade gym class, flashbacks to the coach screaming, “What’s the matter with you? Are your arms broken?” when I was too terrified to hit the volleyball that was hurtling at my face at 120 mph, and just moved out of the way instead. A jock, I am not. Nevertheless, I find myself drawn to this sporty skirt with its wide striped waistband and mesh details. It’s like a gym uniform for grown-ups, but so much prettier. And you don’t have to take it off in front of the whole class. And since it’s priced at an extra 70% off at Talbots, it’s a real score. Take that, coach!
I am so into this adorable shocking pink graphic petite purse by Little Earth, which seems to be made out of some sort of large tin can. Not only is it attention-grabbing, but I imagine that you ever encountered a purse snatcher, you could just wield it like a nunchuk and whack him upside the head with it. This unique accessory/weapon is available in a variety of colors and patterns, and is now 50% off at Wendell August, so get yours now because it’s a dangerous world out there and you need to protect your pennies.
Remember when John Travolta was the epitome of cool instead of a somewhat creepy tabloid whipping boy? When I was eight years old, Grease WAS the word. My mom used to sneak outside my bedroom door and record me belting out the soundtrack. Don’t ask me why; maybe she thinks I’ll be famous and intends to sell me out to the tabloids someday. Anyway, as one of my favorite movies of all time, Grease deserves regular re-viewing, so I’ll pick up a copy, along with the somewhat inferior (but still worth a watch just for Maxwell Caulfield in a tight black tee) Grease 2 while the set is on sale for 67% off at Amazon.ca. Note to self - remember to search Mom’s room for that tape before it falls into the wrong hands.
When you get to be my age, you still want to turn heads at the beach, but it’s not as simple as just slipping into a bikini top and cutoffs anymore when all your parts aren’t exactly where they belong. Thanks, gravity. Luckily, the swimsuit gods have gifted us with the Magicsuit, designed to give a little support and shaping where necessary to let us cougars look as hot as the cubs. And now at Cyberswim, I can take 60% off the clearance price on this sexy Laguna Beach Kai style by using code BOOM60, and get free shipping on my order, too. Now that’s what I call magic.
The boho-chic look is still going strong and fabrics like suede and velvet will be very big again this fall. Get a jump on the trend and get a bargain too, by snatching up this flutter-sleeve black velvet dress while it’s on clearance for 70% off at White House Black Market. Because being a smart shopper is always in style.
You may not have noticed due to the triple-digit temperatures, but it’s almost September. That means there are only 64 more days until Halloween! This is my favorite holiday, since it’s the only time of year I can get away with looking like a zombie, and I spend weeks decorating the house and yard to spook all the neighborhood kids. This year, I’m getting an early start on my creepy décor planning, since I can save 70% off on these pre-lit spooky LED branches at Brookstone. Spending less on all the tricks means I can spend more on the treats.
Eventually, I’m hoping a chill will be in the air. It’s hard to imagine while I’m sitting here sweating bullets, but I’m sure in another few months I will be happy to turn on the fireplace, snuggle up under the covers, and spend the day drinking hot cocoa. To that end, I am investing in this cozy Cabbage Rose coverlet, while it and many more items are up to 75% off at Soft Surroundings. Hurry, autumn.
They say the best things come in small packages, and that is obviously true, because the very best thing I own is my iPhone, which allows me to text my friends, shop for shoes, read my favorite books, watch movies and play games, from wherever I happen to be. My phone deserves a small package that emphasizes its significance, and I like this retro case that looks just like the mixed tapes I used to make back in the day. I also like that I can save 50% off the price by using code SUNSETZCASES at Zazzle. I actually still have those mixed tapes because my car still has a cassette player. Hey, one upgrade at a time.
My iPhone may be the MVP (most valued possession) of my life, but coffee is the sustaining lifeblood within me. I literally cannot lift my head in the morning until a steaming hot cup has been consumed to clear the cobwebs out of my brain. If my coffee maker ever croaked, then I guess I would, too, so it’s probably a good plan to have a backup. This 12-cup programmable coffee maker and hot water dispenser looks like it could last a lifetime, and it’s 40% off right now at Mr. Coffee. I might buy a couple, just in case.
My all-time favorite movie is The Devil Wears Prada, and I’ve always wanted to be one of those hip New York girls who slouches around in all black, interning at a fashion magazine, hanging out in hip coffee shops and being in the know on all the current sample sales. I’ve never made the move to NYC, but I can at least dress like those uber-chic fashionistas by shopping Scoop NYC online. And right now I can get the same great deals they do during the site’s Warehouse Sale, where finds like this IRO fringed leather moto jacket are an extra 50% off at checkout.
I saw a cute t-shirt the other day that said “In Case of Emergency, Save the Shoes.” I almost bought it, but then I thought, no, that’s not right. If I am lying unconscious or mortally wounded in a ditch somewhere, you all just better keep your hands off my shoes. I intend to take them with me, and woe to anyone who tries to pry them off my cold dead feet. I’m no saint, but I don’t think I’ll have any problem sashaying through the pearly gates when St Peter gets a load of my golden Ancient Greek sandals, and especially when he hears that I saved 20% off on them at Azalea by using code TAKE20!
A maxi skirt is the perfect transition piece from summer to fall. It’s still cool and breezy, but will also cover you up a bit if the weather turns that way, not to mention covering up the fact that you’ve happily now ceased shaving your legs. This Shadow Leaf skirt works for any season, and is one of the weekly specials up to 55% off at Appleseed’s.