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Most Bananas Outfits From Star Trek: The Next Generation

Most Bananas Outfits From Star Trek: The Next Generation
Angela Germano

Star Trek is ingrained in our brains and culture, no matter what version of it you prefer (except Enterprise, we all try to forget that part of the Star Trek canon). And, despite the current Star Wars mania storming our hearts, there's always going to be a special place for The Next Generation, and the absolutely ridiculous costumes, on both main characters and random aliens.

  1. To start with the easiest, Wesley Crusher's sweaters
    There are entire blogs devoted to them, to admiring and recreating them, to the point of custom-making patterns, so you can shame-knit your own in the comfort of your bedroom closet (where nobody can see you). There are official costume hoodies of his most popular rainbow sweater, so that you can also live the smug teenager life, no matter what age you are!
  2. The toilet paper-romper sex aliensThe completely bonkers (and vaguely-racist) planet that's composed entirely out of blonde (-haired) and blue (-eyed) people (the true future B&B I guess?) who spend all day using their toddler brains to run around, have sex, and wear rompers made out of toilet paper, possibly paper towels? Some sort of paper goods sex-rompers, at any rate, because those things, men included, cover less than the average Earthling's underwear. Which they don't seem to wear, probably because it would interfere with their “playing at love” or whatever weird phrasing they use. No matter what, it's weird, weird, too early in the series/morning/my life for this costume-design.
  3. Every single beautiful outfit that Lwaxana Troi wearsAll of them. Even her most casual outfit has enough sequins and rhinestones to kill a man, all draped over someone so perfect that her mere perfection could do the job. Her costume designer was drunk for every day that they came into work, and probably spent half of their time running around yelling about dress weight versus skeletal capacity. Perfection.
  4. The weird children guarded by Wesley “I'm wetting myself right now” Crusher wearing the tropical vacation/dancewear hybridAre they going to a rhythmic gymnastics competition and their rivals are trying to stop them? Is Wesley their coach? Or are they just on some sort of tropical vacation in the void of space? Nobody knows! But they are dressed for anything, and they aren't feeling any shame (just terror that Wesley Crusher was trying to hang out with them).
  5. Dimension-chumping Jedirobe McScienceguy and his Wife Barbarella Tracksuit
    What is going on in this episode? Who got bored with the fabric box and made everyone's outfits out of tinfoil and/or blankets? Why is there so much romantic/sexual tension with Barbarella Tracksuit while Data is basically playing I AM GOING TO JAM THIS THING IN THIS HOLE AND SAVE STUFF, without any acknowledgment of the fact that that's probably a weird thing to have as an episode conclusion when so much of it is dedicated to the weird romantic/sexual tension going on while Jedirobe is trying to die on everyone? This episode is all questions and shiny sweatsuit majesty, and maybe one answer. It's everything I aspire to be as a human, just like Star Trek was meant to be.

Sci-fi has never been known for its “logical” "costume" "design," but the aliens, or even other-planet humans on Star Trek, in every series from the original all the way to Deep Space 9, seems to excel in making the most perfectly nonsensical fashion choices ever. As a cosplayer (of the lazy sorts), I have a running list of the costumes that I want to make the most, due to a rating system based on “which of these makes the least sense in any real life situation?” Half of the fun of discovering a new series is seeing how completely bonkers all of the designs are going to be, because you can turn it into some sort of couch-lounging I Spy of ridiculousness and magic. Star Trek is supposed to be what the future aspires to be, and The Next Generation has definitely shown me what future fashion should aspire to be.