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The Most Absolutely Nutbars Star Wars Merchandise

The Most Absolutely Nutbars Star Wars Merchandise
Rebecca Howard

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, George Lucas created a new breed of humans - the sci-fi fans - when he debuted the original Star Wars movie. Nearly 40 years later, the obsession with the Jedi knights versus the Galactic Empire has never waned. Diehard fans are getting their Christmas wish early this year, with this week’s release of the latest film in the saga, Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Pssst- hey, you. Yes, you two. I’ve seen you waiting in line for the past two weeks for the opening night premier, speaking fluent Wookiee to each other and spouting Yoda-isms at anyone who tries to cut. Don’t think I haven’t spied those stray bits of leftover gold body paint from your last Comic-Con appearance as C-3PO. I know you guys still have all the original collectibles from the first movie -still in the boxes, pristine and never played with. Of course, with the onslaught of new merchandise hitting the stores, you’ll want to add to that collection. Any rookie newb can sport an R2-D2 hoodie, but here is some of the most absolutely nutbars Star Wars merchandise that no true fanboy (or girl) can live without.

1. Yoda Nutcracker


Forget Santas and snowmen and all that ho-hum earthly fare. Even Christmas in your house must be an intergalactic affair. At Target, you can find everything from ornaments ($14) to stockings ($13), and even a Star Wars-themed tree skirt ($10). This Yoda nutcracker ($25) is a standout. It’s essential to narrate in a Yoda voice as you use it: Hmm, my nuts you be a-cracking.

2. Christmas in the Stars Album


And traditional carols? I don’t think so. Gather round the fire and sing along with tracks from this classic album, including Christmas in the Stars and What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?). $68 will buy you the CD at Amazon, but true collectors will want to splurge on the $120 vinyl version.

3. Star Wars Cookbook


Every Jedi-in-training will tell you that it’s important to keep up your strength while attempting to master the Force. You could remodel your kitchen into a replica of the Cantina, but that probably won’t do much for resale value. You don’t have to settle for a mundane meal, though. Whip up something from this cookbook ($21, Barnes & Noble) of recipes inspired by the Star Wars movies, including Greedo’s Burritos, Boba Fett-Ucine and Crazy Cantina Chili.

4. X-Wing Knife Block


Lightsabers suck at kitchen prep (they just disintegrate everything). Instead, you’ll want to channel your chopping Force with this set of stainless steel knifes, stylishly displayed in the X-wing fighter knife block ($80, Hot Topic) when not in use.

5. Stormtrooper Silicone Oven Mitt


And don’t forget your Stormtrooper silicone oven mitt ($15, ThinkGeek). It’s a little-known fact that stormtroopers love baking in their downtime. Secretly, they’re all just waiting for the day when they can overthrow Darth Vader and install Martha Stewart as their Supreme Imperial Commander.

6. R2-D2 Engagement Ring


Guys, if you actually manage to snag a girlfriend who loves Star Wars as much as you do, propose - NOW! - because if you let her get away, it’s going to be a long and lonely life. Make it a Han Solo moment and sweep her off her feet with this R2-D2 engagement ring ($1250, Paul Michael Design at

7. Frozen Han Solo Carbonite Desk


Where do real-life crime lords hatch their evil plots to hold slave girls (or the office coffeemaker) for ransom? At this Frozen Han Solo Carbonite Desk, of course. I’m sure it’ll cost you, but find this and other custom-themed furniture at

8. Wampa Rug


Why settle for plain old bear skin when you can have a Wampa-skin rug ($130, ThinkGeek) to accompany your new desk. Princess Leia costume optional, but if you actually own one, you might want to think about getting out a little more (but not in this getup).

9. Star Wars-Themed Pendleton Blankets


Wow, all that X-wing piloting and battling the Evil Empire really wears a Jedi out (even if it’s all done vicariously through a movie screen). When it’s time to hit the sack, snuggle up under one of these limited-edition Star Wars-themed Pendleton blankets. You can buy your fave for $249, but you know you want the whole collection ($1,200, Pendleton).

10. Goodnight, Darth Vader


You’re responsible for raising the next generation of the Jedi Order, so you can’t put them to bed with generic storybooks. Ensure their proper training by reading Goodnight, Darth Vader as their bedtime story ($15, Chronicle Books).

11. Millennium Falcon Bed


Speaking of bedtime, if your kids raise a fuss and do anything but go to bed on time, you can easily remedy that with this Millenium Falcon cockpit bed ($4,000, Pottery Barn Kids). It’s a good thing they hadn’t come out with this when I was decorating my Star Wars-obsessed kids’ bedroom. I spent a fortune on comforters and pillow covers, but this would have been the pièce de résistance. If I’d kept spending like that though, we’d all probably be living in the thing by now.

12. R2-D2 Projection Alarm Clock


Don’t forget to set your R2-D2 projection alarm clock ($70, ABC Shop) before you go to bed. You know you have to get up early to get the first spot in line for the next film in the franchise, sure to be released in a couple of years or so.

Any of these gifts would totally make Christmas for your favorite Star Wars fan. Make sure you check out first to get the best deals and coupons on all your fangear

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