5 Christmas Gifts That Will Make Your Pet Hate You
One of the most rewarding parts of life is screwing with our beloved pets. Sure, we've all made our hands look like crabs and wiggled it around our cat so that they attack us with tiny, murderous fury, but sometimes you need to go further. Their indignation is consolation enough for all the times they've eaten your electronics and filled your bed with farts.
Who hasn’t watched “The Grinch” and fantasized about putting your pet in a pair of reindeer antlers? You probably think your dog secretly longs to play the role of Max. He doesn’t. Contrary to the misleading photos, these antlers will either cause your cat to walk backwards or promptly fall over sideways, convinced she cannot move. And if you manage to get a teeny tiny pair on your guinea pig, chances are he’ll pull them off and eat them, resulting in death - or at the very least, a teeny tiny stomach ache. Neither is a fun way for you or him to spend Christmas.
This crinkly Santa hat is supposed to provide hours of entertainment for your curious cat. In actuality, the obnoxiously loud crinkling noise in surround sound scares the bejeesus out of them. My cat still has not come out from under the bed after being spooked by one three Christmases ago.
3. Puppy Tweets
As if your dog doesn’t have a busy enough schedule, now you actually expect him to keep up a social media presence? I mean, there already aren’t enough hours in the day for keeping up with his agenda of rear end sniffing, napping and barking at everything that moves. If you actually go through with gifting this Puppy Tweets device, that posts to a Twitter account based on your pet’s movements, expect to see a lot of tweets reading “Squirrel! Squirrel! Squirrel!” interspersed with pleas to go outside and rants about how much he hates when you trick him into riding in the car and take him to the vet instead of the park.
Humans aren’t the only breed who thinks that ugly Christmas sweaters make a piss-poor present. He wanted a furry mouse, Santa, blast you. It was on the list.
5. Bowser Beer
Your pooch may think she’s having a jolly good time swilling down her very own six-pack, formulated to give her a shiny coat and healthy joints. But look out for when that hangover hits the next morning.
If you just can’t resist the entertainment value inherent in exploiting your pets for your own amusement, check out the Ultimate Coupons deals available on these gifts, or something they’ll actually enjoy, at PetSmart, Petco, Amazon, PetEdge and EntirelyPets.com.