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9 Wedding Cake Toppers that Signal a Divorce

9 Wedding Cake Toppers that Signal a Divorce
Shelby Deering

It can be difficult to tell which couples are in for the long haul, and which ones will say “I don’t” even before returning from their perfect honeymoon on some remote island where they stayed in one of those huts over the water. But I’ve discovered the secret to predicting which couples are going to make it – wedding cake toppers. Using scientific evidence and my own (snarky, cough, cough) observations, here are 10 toppers that foreshadow a marriage that will be far from a piece of cake.

1. Well, Shoot


There’s a famous phrase that goes, “The couple that carries semi-automatic weapons together probably won’t stay together.” Never mind the fact that the groom is being dragged against his will.

2. Get a Head


I’ve heard that in a marriage, it’s kind of good when both partners have heads. Just sayin’.

3. Ball and Chain


I give this couple about 54 days. Any bets?

4. Game Over


This topper lets the groom know that his fun-filled days of video games and sitting on his butt are over. I’m sure he’s super happy about that.

5. Virtual Insanity


It’s nice to see that these two really listen and pay attention to each other, especially on their wedding day.

6. On the Run


What is it with these dudes who can’t wait to get away from their brides? It really puts women in a good light.

7. Pull it Off


Never mind, I guess wedding cake toppers can make both sexes look bad.

8. Batter Up


I know it’s supposed to look like these two are playing a light-hearted game of baseball, but she’s looking a little too ready to do some damage with that bat. I’m worried for the groom.

9. Early to Bed


Really? Really? You decided that this should be your cake topper? I have no words.


If you’re engaged and you actually want to have any sort of shot at getting this marriage thing right the first time, I recommend purchasing a wedding cake topper from The Knot Shop, Etsy or Target. Find the right topper and I have a feeling that you two crazy kids are going to make it.