10 Times Earth Was On Fleek
If the earth had a theme song, I have a feeling it would be “All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled. Because the earth wins at everything. The Grand Canyon? The earth just made that happen like it was no big deal. Mount Everest? The earth would say, “Eh, I barely broke a sweat.” The Great Barrier Reef? Earth, now you’re just showing off.
Apr. 22 is Earth Day, and we should celebrate by thinking about how awesome our planet really is. If the earth was an athlete, it would be Muhammed Ali. Or Michael Jordan. Or Serena Williams. Or anyone else who wins a lot. And here are 10 times that the earth really did conquer everything.
When a volcanic eruption takes place, it’s just the earth’s way of saying, “Look at how incredible I am.” If you happen to find yourself in the path of some molten lava, first of all, you might want to run. And secondly, you may need this Mission Enduracool Instant Cooling Towel, $14.99 at Dick’s.
I think we can all agree that the most gorgeous landscapes on earth usually involve a turquoise sea and swaying palm trees. If you are lucky enough to be visiting one of these dream destinations, you’ll need this Tropical Print Flounce Cami, $15.90 at Forever21.
The earth was all like, “I’m gonna make these humongous trees so I can make humans feel like tiny, insignificant dwarfs.” Well-played, Earth. And if you’re driving around looking at redwoods and feeling tiny, you should really have a Jeep Wrangler, $12,000 from eBay.
As long as you’re not going over one in a barrel, a waterfall is pretty much one of the most beautiful things you can see. The next time you find yourself at the mighty Niagra, skip those ugly ponchos and rock this Rainy Day Mac raincoat, $89 from Boden.
I just wanted to let you all know that “spelunking” is one of my favorite words in the English language. Not that I’ll be doing it anytime soon. But if you identify yourself as a “spelunker” (an equally fun word), you should get this Black Diamond ReVolt Rechargeable Headlamp, $59.95 from L.L. Bean.
A geyser is like the earth’s version of that Diet Coke and Mentos experiment (which is really cool). And if you happen to catch Old Faithful in all her glory, you’ll need an equally glorious camera, like the EOS Rebel T6i, $1,099 from Canon.
As if things weren’t pretty enough on the ground, the earth had to go and create coral reefs under the sea. I’m certain that color T.V.’s were invented just so we could sit and watch documentaries about the ocean. If you get to see the real deal, you’ll need this Travel Ready Combo snorkeling set, $49.95 at Snorkel-Mart.
Again, another example of something else on earth that makes us humans feel miniscule. Think you’re brave enough to scale one of these bad boys? Then you should probably get these bad-a**-looking C.A.M.P. USA Stalker Universal Crampons, $99.95 at REI.
Dude, like, waves are totally gnarly. That might be the first time I’ve ever written that sentence. But if you find yourself saying things like that in everyday conversation, you need this Bic Sport Big Boy E-Comp Surfboard, $799.95 from Amazon.
Ah, Earth. There you go again with the colors. You don’t really need anything to take in the wonder of a rainbow. Except maybe for this totally awesome What Does It Mean? T-shirt, $24 from BustedTees.
You stay classy, planet Earth.