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7 Reasons Why Having a Baby Sucks

7 Reasons Why Having a Baby Sucks
Rachel Humphrey

So, you’ve been married for a few years now, and you and your partner are thinking it might be time to take the next step and start adding to your family. You may have visions of cute little squishy newborns dancing in your head, but you before you actually make one of your own, take a good hard look at your lifestyle. Are you willing to give up spontaneous date nights? Sleeping in on Sundays? White clothing? Before you decide to make such a big change, read this article to see if you’re ready to give up these simple things you take for granted. I know from personal experience (I have a 2 year old, and another one on the way) that even if you think you’re prepared, having a baby in the house can be a pretty shocking change.

No More Relaxing Mornings

The days of rolling out of bed and being out of the house in 30 minutes or less are over. You’re getting ready for two now. Want to go somewhere? Not only do you have to get yourself ready, but you also have to change, nurse, and dress your baby. Older babies need breakfast, which can get messy and sometimes involves a bath afterward.  Also, say adios to just grabbing your purse and floating out out the door without a care or a hair out of place. Picture this: You’ve got a 10lb baby in a 10lb car seat, plus your 5lb purse, plus a 10lb diaper bag, and you have to carry it ALL. By the time you get everything into the car, you’ll need a nap, a shoulder massage, and maybe a shower.

No More Nice Clothes

Newborns spew at both ends constantly, and older babies think it’s hilarious to touch your sleeve with blueberry jam hands. Say bye-bye to light colors and fancy fabrics.

No More Spontaneous Date Nights

Pre Baby: “Hey honey! Let’s go grab some beers and wings at happy hour.”

Post Baby: “Hey honey! Maybe after the baby is asleep, we could watch a whole movie without dozing off!”

That’s just how it is. You can’t go anywhere spontaneously because babies take planning. Taking them with you to dinner is not romantic, and can be downright stressful. Usually my son is fine at restaurants, but we can never be sure: Last time my husband and I tried to take our little man out to dinner, we ended up having to take turns eating while one of us took Mr. Tantrum Factory outside. Getting a baby sitter is a good solution, but getting a babysitter requires advanced planning, and can sometimes cost even more than what you’ll spend on your date. Even if you did have Grandma and Grandpa nearby just waiting for any opportunity to babysit (like I do, lucky me!) you’ll still usually be too tired to do anything exciting.

No More Vacations for Breastfeeding Moms

If you’re breastfeeding, good for you! Breast is best. You should also know that in doing what’s best for your baby, you are also tethering yourself to your baby. Newborns nurse constantly, so don’t expect to get away for more than an hour at first. If you pump milk for your baby, you can stay away for longer, but I remember one particular date night I had to cut short because my boobs felt like they were about to burst. There was plenty of milk in the freezer at home for my little guy, but I needed relief!  Say tata (pun intended) to any vacations (even overnight) for the duration of your breastfeeding time. If you really need to go on a trip without baby (for business, perhaps), look forward to lots of regular pumping and either dumping or finding a place to store all that milk. It's not fun.

No More Sleeping In

Babies wake up early and they want stuff, and they’re loud about it. You will not sleep in again for about a million years.

No More Law and Order Marathons in Bed All Day on Sunday

My friends without babies always talk about how much fun they have sitting in bed all day watching every episode of "How I met Your Mother" they have saved on their Hulu. When you have a baby, you can’t do that, because babies don’t think most grown-up shows are entertaining. Even if they did, you can’t have your baby in front of the TV all day along, or even at all. Say goodbye to marathons of whatever your favorite show is. This, like sleeping in, will not happen again for about a million years.

No More Spotless House and Car

My husband is a very neat, clean person, and he is visibly perturbed as he watches our son play with spaghetti. He cleans the sticky juice off our kitchen floor and vacuums the cracker crumbs out of our car almost daily. He is a very industrious man with tons of energy. If you are a neat freak, you either have to give up on total neatness perfection, or go into total overdrive like my husband.

The Upsides

There are upsides to this whole baby thing. Otherwise, no one would ever have a planned baby. A great upside I’ve discovered is that a baby is the best excuse for everything. Late to work? Massive diaper blowout. Don’t feel like double dating tonight? The baby has a snotty cold. Don’t want to travel to your cousin’s destination wedding in Iowa? Airplane + Baby = Potential Nightmare. And the excuses go on. Also, babies are great fashion accessories. Go somewhere with your baby, and absolutely no one is looking at you. You could be wearing blue lipstick and a potato sack, and no one would notice. They are all looking at the OMGCUTELITTLEBABY! you are holding in your arms.

The best upside? You have never, ever loved anyone so much. My son is a beautiful golden ball of light (there he is at right) who inspires me to be super corny and describe things as golden balls of light. I look at him, and my knees melt. If you’re ready to give up the party life and the extra sleep, having a baby is totally worth it.

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Comments

  1. Christopher E P

    This is so funny I found this post. I just thought today as my wife was getting ready to go to church that it is so tough for all of us to go because one of us ends out in another room with our little guys. HAHA, good post.

  2. Lisa

    I LOVE this! So funny and such great points! My husband and I (married just over 2 years now) literally know like two dozen people who are having or have just had a baby and with each new baby we panic more and more. Some day I'm sure we'll take the plunge but for now I just don't think we're ready to give up our Sunday Netflix marathons!

  3. Anastasia B

    The only item that doesn't apply to us is No More Sleeping In. We sleep in with our toddler nearly every day 🙂 But my husband works second shift and I work from home - so we have that luxury. On the other hand, my toddler's bed time is 10:30-11pm! Yeah, that's how she sleeps in till 10 🙂

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