Twice in my life I’ve had a beard. No, scratch that. Thrice. But only two were by choice. See, the first time was back in high school when I caught the chicken pox and couldn’t shave for months, so I came back to school with this spotty, scraggly beard. Yeah, that was fun. But the other two times, were all me.
First was when I did my 6-week backpacking trip in Europe right after college. I started shaving and then about halfway through was just annoyed, so I stopped and came home with a full beard, mostly just to see how my friends and family would react. I think a day or two later I shaved that mess down to a goatee and kept that for a few months before finally losing it.
The last time I had a beard was all due to a bet. I worked with a lot of young guys pretty much fresh out of college and the whole place was practically one big frat house, with loud music always blaring, the place was a pigsty and practical jokes ran rampant. So somehow one day we came up with the idea for a “beard off.” The rules were simple. Everyone who wants to enter comes in that morning clean shaven. At the end of 2 months, whoever has the best beard wins. A judge of female employees would decide the winner on that fateful day.
Now, it’s not like my relatives are in ZZ Top or anything, but I have a fairly thick 5 o’clock shadow and can get some good stubble growth after a day or two. So I entered eagerly and frankly, it was hardly any competition. One guy was a blonde and had the lightest splotchiest beard come in. Another guy, my bud Dan, well, I don’t think he has any hair follicles on his face to be honest. No joke, but about a week into the competition we went up to him and said, “Did you drop out? We thought you were gonna enter?” He look confused, stroked his chin and said, “I’m totally in. Look at this growth?” He had maybe 2 hairs on his chin. Poor Dan. Then there was Mike, my first roommate and the hairiest guy I have ever met. To steal a line from Princess Leia (Geek alert!), it was like living with a walking carpet. I knew Mike would give me trouble. And he did. It was a real hair for hair battle… until, fate intervened. Or make that old age. Mike’s grandmother (or great aunt perhaps) passed away about 6 weeks into the competition. Mike being the good son that he is, knew his mom wouldn’t want him looking all disheveled at the funeral, so he shaved for it. Which meant he had all of 2 weeks to regrow it and get back into the competition. I’ll be honest and say, he came pretty darn close in that short amount of time, but yours truly was declared the first and only winner of the infamous Beard Off.
I don’t hate having a beard, I just find it itchy and uncomfortable in the summer when it’s hot. Plus, I’m terrible at grooming it and keeping it in check. I’ll have to try to dig up a photo somewhere if anyone’s interested. And I have no clue what made me think of beard’s today but there’s your first look into the Historical Facial Adventures of Andrew.
COUPON TIME:
So what coupons go with a Beard Off? Well I could go the wussy route and offer some Beauty Coupons, but that’s not what beards are all about. Beards are about ruggedness and manliness and drinking beer and talking about the Chicago Bears. So here are a few coupons for Outdoor Recreation stores!
$10 off your order of $100 or more at Brigade Quartermasters
Enter special offer code LS12100 at checkout, and hit the “ADD OFFER TO MY CART” button. Cannot be combined with any offer.
10% off all regular priced items
5% off all sale items at Moosejaw
Enter coupon code MOOSE during checkout.
Some brands excluded. Cannot be combined with any other coupons.
10% off orders over $100 at Overton’s
Use promotional code VTENOFF.
Valid through: January 21, 2008 11:59pm ET
Minimum purchase amount excludes shipping, handling, additional freight, and taxes. Discount only applies to merchandise. This offer cannot be combined with any other offers or used to purchase gift certificates. N adjustments of previous purchases. Not valid for Quixtar or eBay customers. Excludes Excludes Liquid Force items.
15% off your order at DunhamsSports.com
Eligible items will have the following note on their product page: “Receive 15% off your entire order”
Use the above link to activate the coupon. If there’s a problem, enter promotion/discount code DUN_AFF15 at checkout.
Valid through: January 31, 2008 11:59pm ET
Valid for in-stock merchandise only. Maximum discount of $200 per billing address. Offer Excludes: Electronics, Bauer, Bowflex, Callaway, Coleman Boats, Columbia, DeMarini, Easton, Fitness Quest, Footjoy, Future Beach, Horizon, Kettler, K-Swiss, Leisure Life, Louisville, Louisville Slugger, Mongoose, Nike, Nike Golf, Pelican, Titleist, Under Armour, Worth, Cobra, Garmin, Magellan, Minolta, Mission, Motorola, Razors, Rollerblade, Salomon, World Industries, CCM, Jugs, Atec, Spira and select other items. If the coupon doesn’t seem to work on an item, the brand is probably excluded. Discount does not apply to gift cards, gift certificates, taxes, shipping and handling charges, gift wrapping and similar charges. Cannot be combined with any other promotional offer nor is this offer valid on previous purchases.