This morning, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror before I left to go to work. I didn't see a face. Instead I saw Clinique lip stick in Cider Berry, NARS blush in Orgasm, Too Faced eye shadow (a blend of shades from their Romantic Eyes palate), Make-up Forever Aqua Eyes eyeliner 10, and Too Faced Size Queen mascara.

I saw the face of an addict. I saw the face of a Sephoraholic.

Being a Sephoraholic is strange. My body isn't being abused. My family isn't terrified for my well-being. The only thing in your life that is at risk when you are a Sephoraholic is the well-being of your bank account (which nowadays is a very serious thing).

Sephora is a Lady Trap

The color scheme is a chic black and white with a splash of sexy red. The bright florescent lighting makes you feel like you’re the heroine in futuristic action thriller. There are mirrors everywhere and because the lighting is so bright you can see pores in your pores you didn’t know you had. All the cosmetics are open so that you can play with them. The staff is eager to descend upon you with smiles, samples and baskets to carry multiple items to the register. When you’re waiting to purchase your items, you are met with rows of clear cubes containing tempting “add-ons” (small, seemingly affordable items you don’t actually need). Even the shopping bag is lovely. Cashiers wrap your cosmetics in red tissue paper and put them into a shiny black bag. It’s like you’re purchasing a gift for yourself that you can unwrap at home. A gift that usually adds up to over one hundred dollars.

The Price of (Feeling) Pretty

Sure, Sephora does have a more affordably priced line of their own cosmetics, but even those are more expensive than your local drug store. You can’t buy “old” merchandise either, because old make-up is unsanitary. There is no such thing as smart or discount shopping at Sephora. That’s because it’s not a store for cheap chapstick. It’s a boutique that offers the highest quality of cosmetics for women of discerning taste. It’s luxury, but it’s also psychology.

Beauty products aren’t sold just to improve your looks. That’s not really why you buy them. People purchase beauty products to improve how they feel about their looks. I know that the reason I’m so addicted to Sephora has to do with my introduction to the store. There were no Sephoras in my home town. I only encountered the shop during trips to glamorous cities and vacation spots. I was the gawky fourteen year old who still didn’t know how to get her bangs to lie flat. In my head, a woman who regularly shopped at Sephora was a woman of the world. She was glamorous, wealthy, beautiful and above all, she knew these wonderful things about herself. A Sephora shopper was a woman (or man) with a healthy dose of self-esteem. She considered herself worth spending twenty nine dollars on eyeliner. I don’t care that no one I meet will ever be able to tell the difference between Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara from the drugstore and Too Faced Size Queen mascara. Knowing that I have the more luxurious item makes me feel good. I like pretending I deserve expensive things.

Of course, that doesn’t mean they always fit into my budget.

 

Money Can't Buy You Self-Love

There’s only one thing that will ever really cure my addiction: I must look within myself and discover that I am a beautiful woman even without make-up. I need to tell myself that I don't need a new Urban Decay palate, for rainbows beam from inside of me. I don't need to buy that double-wanded LORAC mascara, because oceans swell in my eyes. I have to realize that packing Bare Essentials foundation on my zits won't diminish them, but make it harder for them to heal.

I know I don't need anything at Sephora to be happy. That doesn’t change the fact that I still want everything at Sephora to be mine.

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