Everyone's heard of two left feet, right? Er, correct? Yeah, that'd be me. Can't dance for squat. But have you ever heard of unlucky feet? Well somehow, somewhere, my wife managed to grab herself a pair of real unlucky ones. Don't believe me? Okay, here's my proof:
Evidence A: The sprains.
Way before we were even married, we were hanging out at my company's holiday party. It was the end of the night and a few of us were just having fun on the dance floor. Sure enough, she does some crazy move and, BAM, sprains her ankle. Which she'd actually done a number of times before I ever even met her. She also sprained it at least once that I recall when we were in college together and another time right when she started teaching in New York City. And she also sprained it before our first son was born. She went hiking one day with a friend and at the absolute top of the mountain, she twisted her ankle and had her 4'11" friend carry her allll the way down! (And since we didn't know if she was pregnant or not at the time, she didn't take anything stronger then advil, didn't get it x-rayed, etc. She's a definite trooper.)
Evidence B: No Snorkeling for You
On our Honeymoon in Hawaii we didn't do much. Yes, a big part of that is my fault, since I just slept late every morning. Like till 11 or 12. And we didn't even go to bed that late. I just liked sleeping. (Guess I'm making up for that now...) But we did want to go snorkeling while we there. Except... my recent bride had a blister or cut or something on her foot from having worn new shoes that didn't fit right. It got real painful, so we went to the ER on the island and got some antibiotics and cream for it. The only thing was... she had to keep it dry for a few days. So there we were. On an island. Surrounded by water. (Yeah, that's what an island is.) And she couldn't get her feet wet. So that's one thing she still owes me, snorkeling. But we did get to go on a submarine ride which was a lot of fun.
Evidence C: Get the Point
The final proof? And this is my sharpest argument overall. Our first son was probably about a year old at the time. I had just given notice at my job and lined up two full weeks off before I started the new one. Lots of time to decompress, do things around the house, etc. So there I was on the treadmill enjoying the start of my time off when my wife's upstairs making dinner. I head up when I'm finished, we're talking in the kitchen and she's cutting an avocado... with a crazy sharp way-too-big ginsu-type knife. For an avocado. Which you can cut with a spoon. At some point, it slips out of her hand, falls perfectly straight down, jabs her foot on top and bounces off. She probably couldn't have done that if she tried. I think I was more freaked out then her. But we got the babysitters over, raced to the ER and long story short... she ended up severing a tendon in her foot that they had to operate on the next day. How's that for bad luck?
So there you have it. Irrefutable proof that my wife has very unlucky feet. Sure they may be cute feet but they're definitely unlucky. (And no, I'm not just saying that in case she's actually reading this post...) And with all this talk about feet, it must be time for a coupon about shoes! I'm actually listing a few, since there are some great all-around deals.
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4 Responses to “My wife's feet”
Unlucky feet indeed!
As for the ankle sprains, I can definitely relate. I've severely sprained my ankles several times. Within minutes, they were swollen so bad that it looked like I had golf balls strapped to them. I've been to the ER several times. I've never suffered a break, but the doctor told me that severe ankle sprains are worse than breaks! I can believe it...
Tish - Ugh. I guess that's fairly common then? Once you spraiin it once, it's easier to sprain again and again. And yeah, I've heard it's tougher then a break because it never fully heals, which is why you keep spraining them. Bleh. And golf ball-sized ankles?!? That hurts just thinking about it...
Wow, and I thought I was the only one with unlucky appendages, although mine seems to be in my hands. I nearly chopped my pinky finger off slicing an apple with a paring knife. An apple ... with an itty bitty paring knife. I'm not allowed to do that anymore. We now have an apple slicer doodad that does that. I'm also not allowed to hang curtains or use a swiffer. LOL
Loretta - Hah. Sorry, that Swiffer comment got me.
And I hear ya. I near sliced my pinky in half cutting bagels like a year ago. Granted it was a big serrated knife (not a paring one), but that really hurt. And to this day I can't cut a bagel without putting it down on the counter and very slowly cutting and turning it. I need a "good" bagel slicer, which I can't seem to find...