Captain America and The Black PantherI was going to dig up the one photo in existence of me dressed up like Dee Snider from Twisted Sister that I wore to a Halloween party back in college. But, well, I couldn't find it. Grrr. I'll try to rip the house apart this week and post it.

So instead, at your right you can see me in my homemade Captain America costume from about 10 years back, along with my buddy Ethan who wore the amazing homemade Black Panther costume. Okay, okay. I'll confess. My costume isn't 100% homemade. I did buy the rubbery mask from Spencer's the year previously after Halloween when it was marked down like 75%. But everything else I'll proudly admit was all me. And yes, the powdery blue costume was "supposed" to be as dark blue as the mask. Never trust a label.

So to make up for having you stare at us two idiots, I offer you my first official Top 10 list. Who needs fancy shmancy store-bought costumes, when you can just make them yourself, right? (Okay, maybe Ethan and I do...)

Anyways, without further delay I give you...

The Top 10 Easiest Halloween Costumes That You Can Make All By Your Very Own Self

  1. Red Shirt - Star Trek fans (I refuse to call them "Trekkers" and to avoid a geek-war I won't say "Trekkies" either) will totally get this one and applaud you on your witty ingenuity. Get yourself a tight-fitting longsleeve redshirt. Attach one o' those triangle-shaped Star Trek emblems. Put all sorts of zombie makeup on your face so you appear dead. That's it. See, on Star Trek, any time the crew went on an "Away Mission" down to some new planet, whatever poor soul was wearing a red shirt, was the one who always ended up getting killed. Poor souls.
  2. Halloween Atheist - Show off your disbelief in any form of costumery by going in no costume at all. Tell everyone you're a Halloween Atheist and then ignore/deny anyone else around you who is in costume.
  3. Annoying Guy on Cell Phone While Driving - Get a cell phone. Open it up and pretend you're talking on it with one hand. In the other hand, hold a steering wheel. (A real one is great but somewhat impractical, so just yank one off your kid's toys or something.) Pretend to talk on your phone while "driving" around trick or treating. For added realism, bump into as many other costumers as you can.
  4. Sea Monkeys - Everyone loves Sea Monkeys, right? So get yourself a monkey costume. Then get yourself a giant foam letter C. Then sit back and wait while that sinks in...
  5. Guys and Dolls - This one requires at least 2 people. Either 2 guys or get some gals to dress up like guys. Then grab a bunch of Barbie dolls. Let the singing and dancing and cabareting ensue.
  6. Car Windshield in a Packed Mall Parking Lot - This one's either a piece of cake or tough depending on where you live. Gather up as many chinese menus, karate studio flyers and lose-weight-fast-and-easy brochures as you can and tape them all to your body. If you have a few bucks to spare, buy a cheap pair of windshield wiper blades and tape those on too.
  7. Bear Slippers - Wear nothing but a pair of fluffy pink or blue slippers. So, yes, you'd be "bare" and you'd be wearing slippers. Yeah, even I'm groaning at that one...
  8. Cable Guy - Don't even worry about a costume. Heck, don't even worry about showing up for any Halloween Parties. Just tell the host you'll be there sometime between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Then call them at 7 p.m. and say you have to reschedule.
  9. Oxymoron - Glue a few tubes of Oxy zit cream to your clothes, then walk around acting really really stupid. (Sorry. You can blame this one on the English major in me...)
  10. Pigs in a Blanket - Get a few friends or family members to put on pig masks, or just make or buy some simple pig noses and pink pig ears. Then wrap yourselves in nice warm blankets. Instant walking hors d'oeuvres.

There ya have it. So don't say I never gave ya nothin'. I expect to see lotsa photos of everyone in costume. And hey, here's another killer coupon for costumes:

25% off online orders at ShindigZ.com
Use promotion code FESE25 at checkout.
Valid through: September 30, 2007
Cannot be combined with any other offers.